Ahhhhh I could just scream from how lost I am lately. I love my boyfriend and its like the other half of my heart is being occupied by Chris. I have to be thankful that my bf is very understanding and still with me. Crazy how he puts up with this even though we live together. So I don’t know what to think about when it comes to Chris.

I was all nervous last week that telling him I like him would put a strain on our friendship and yet it hasn’t. We talked for like 4 hours on facebook. He was asking me about my sex life and what was wrong with my current relationship. He even randomly said if you think I am a tough guy well I’m not. He was addressing my liking him. Yet he still has not even hinted at if he has feelings for me or am I just wasting my time.We talked about bowling on sunday and he said maybe.

Saturday night rolls around and I was hoping I would see him when I went clubbing with my girlfriends. I texted him to try and convince his friends to go out since he won’t go without them. The guys do decide to go out, but to a seperate place than me. I was so heartbroken. All night at the club all I could do was think about him and how I missed him.

Sunday he didn’t go bowling because he wanted to study for a final. We ended up talking for a bit in the evening on facebook. Then yesterday he messaged me saying how tired he was of studying. We ended up talking for 2 hours on facebook last night. Seriously we talk alot on facebook. Does this mean he thinks I am a great friend and wants to talk to me or is it something more?

Me: i don’t know what he loses by being romantic or showing feelings

Chris

hmmm thats a toughie

is he a alpha male type of fellow

Me:

nope more like of a doormat

Chris:

Pfff dude if you want a tough guy then I can assure you I am very much not that dude lol

Me:

lol im not looking for a tough guy

someone with an opinion or who can make a decision

he barely can do either of those

Chris:

but your an assertive chick

2 assertive ppl would clash

Me:

yeah but i like decision to be 50/50

Chris:

so what happens when you tell him this

Me:

he shrugs and says thats how he is

Chris:

bummer

how is he in the sack

just as submissive

is he naughty?

Me:

nope not really

its typically the same stuff

Chris:

well a few years and sometimes it gets like that

Me:

well its always been the same

Chris:

no hair pullin

ass smackin

bummer

Me:

ass grabbing

like in his mind he wants to try new stuff but he never executes

Chris:

dude maybe you should initiate

see if he responds

like bone him in your holloween outfit

Me:

i have done stuff like that and it works but i have to do all the work and tell him what i want

Chris:

tough situation

Me:

it is cause its more if we are right for each other kind of thing

Chris:

I dont know what to tell you, I mean you guys been together a long time, you live together

Me:

its scary, i hoped he would have evolved

how have you been dealing with the single life?

Chris:

lol just goin with the flow

School and friends keep me nice and occupied

so Im just doing what I need to do and that is that

Fact of the matter is I suck at being single, I suck at talking to girls and whatnot

James, mike and danny they may have game but I am mamaT

not the same cloth

Me:

well you talk to me just fine

Chris:

Well I met you and talk to you like a friend, we met in a casual setting just hanging out

I dunno something about a club just puts pressure to be a slick mo fo and im not that guy

Me:

i feel like meeting people in the club is a bad idea

Chris:

Ima guy I dont go out to dance

If I wanna cut loose, I do the air guitar in my room

crank up the volume and just jam in my mind

Me:

jamming at home is awesome

Chris:

Might be why I like guitar hero and rock band so much lol

Me:

i love those games because i love to sing

Chris:

oh man we gotta get you in james set up

We played two nights ago

Me:

i could bring my guitar so more people can play

Chris:

me him and tina

goin at it

Chris:

already covered playa

Me:

lol

so i finally got to play cod mw2 online

Chris:

lol really

how was it

Me:

pretty fun i totally suck

Chris:

every starts that way

youll get better

you learn little nitches ppl like to go to

Me:

i need to get more spec ops stuff done

Chris:

y?

Me:

trophies

Me:

do you have any pets

Chris:

my sister has two dogs

Me:

cool what kind of dogs

Chris:

well there is a mini yorki who we had for a while

likes to hump the other dog for whatever reason

then a larger dog i dont know what kind, but he always wants attention

gets in your face alot

Christina:

lol i have 4 cats and a rabbit

Chris:

Jesus

a zoo huh

Christina:

yup i use to work at one

Chris:

why so many

Christina:

i just love cats.

Chris:

tsk tsk tsk

dogs are so much cooler

Me:

boo

cats are cool too

Chris:

correction

kittens are cool

cats are wack

Me:

why are they wack

Chris:

cuz there not dogs

circular arguement

cant win lady

Me:

lol i wasn’t trying to

everyone has their own opinion

well almost everyone

Chris:

lol

ohhhh snap

So as me and my boyfriend are in limbo I decided to tell Chris I like him because I am impatient. Since he didn’t show up for Wing Night I ended up texting him my feelings. I deleted most of the texts so my bf wouldn’t see them so this is all from memory.

Me: Well it might cheer you up to know this but I seriously like you.

Chris: Awwwww. that’s sweet. i think your awesome.

Me: lol I mean I want to date you

Chris: What the hell? You have a boyfriend.

Me: We are on the verge of breaking up.

Chris: Your messing with me aren’t you.

Me: No I really am not.

Chris: Well your with Anthony so we just stay friends.

Me: And if I was single?

Chris: I just got out of a 2 and half year relationship. I just want to be single right now

Chris: It’s nothing personal against you.

Chris: y?

Me: what’s the question?

Chris: Why are you breaking up?

Me: Alot of reasons. We are two totally different people. I am emotional and he’s a robot. I need someone that has emotions.

Chris: Well I hope you two can work it out cause breaking up sucks.

Me: Yeah it does. Thanks for being cool about this. I think you are awesome.

Chris: Thanks to you.

Me: what do you mean?

Chris: Well your fun to hang out with. Im glad I met you is what I mean.

Me: I’m really glad I met you.

So what I noticed out of this whole conversation is that 1) He never told me if he likes me in that way. 2) He did not totally turn me down.

Does this mean he might like more than a friend?

Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up. He said we could be roommates. I dunno. Today I’m going to tell Chris I like him and see where it will go. I knew this would get really complicated. I dunno what path I want to choose or if there is even a second path available.